


how did we get so lucky?

by wlwpeggycarter



Series: we are finally happy [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst (super light), Light Transphobia, M/M, Nonbinary Bucky Barnes, Post World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Trans Steve Rogers, please read authors note!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 08:25:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9647987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwpeggycarter/pseuds/wlwpeggycarter
Summary: Steve and Bucky Pre/Post War, and the recovery process.Bucky isn’t done with their healing process, far from it, but everyday is a day forward. Bucky likes to remember something Sarah told Steve ages ago, ‘Because, and you listen close, Steven. You always stand up.’. It is a nice thing to remember, even if it wasn’t meant for them originally, even if it does not fully apply to their situation. They just have to keep standing up, and one day it won’t feel like such a hard thing to do.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [transstevebucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/transstevebucky/gifts).



> hey!! thank you all for reading this, it means a lot to me!! this is my first (published) stucky fic, and i'm very excited for it. comments and kudos are always appreciated, and please let me know if there are any mistakes. 
> 
> **in the beginning of the fic Bucky uses 'he/him' pronouns, but throughout the rest of the fic they use 'they/them' pronouns. this isn't a mistake, and it isn't meant to be a harmful type of misgendering. it'll all make sense as you read the fic, trust me :)**
> 
> this is a super belated birthday gift for steve (@sunbucky on tumblr). Steve i love you so much, and I really hope you like the fic!!!

He remembers getting knocked into the side of a trashcan by someone twice his size and then picking up the lid of said trash can, and that is where he kind of loses it. He might have fallen over from the unexpected weight of the trash can lid, or maybe he was hit again and he finally passed out. Either way, once he opens his eyes, he is never going to hear the end of this from Bucky. 

 

Steve listens to his surroundings before opening his eyes, just to be sure he is actually back home with Bucky. He does not want to repeat of what happened last time, getting taken back to a stranger’s house and having to sneak out. He hears the radio first, and it is on Bucky’s favorite channel, so that is a good sign. 

 

He decides to just go for it and opens his eyes, and he sighs when he sees their ugly, peeling wallpaper and their dirty shoes by the door. Steve tries to sit up, but he cannot bring himself to fully sit up and ends up groaning as he falls back onto the couch. Bucky must hear this, because the next thing Steve sees is Bucky’s face two inches from his.  

 

“Oh, God, Steve are you okay? Do you need a nurse, a doctor? Should I have-”

 

“Bucky, I’m fine. You don’t have to do anything else for me.” 

 

“Yeah, sure Steve. I’ll just leave you here on the couch until you can move again. Which, if history is anything to go by, will be in a day.” 

 

Steve sighs, because he knows Bucky is right, he just does not want to admit it. Bucky knows this, and he will usually let Steve off the hook. But this time does not seem like one of those times. 

 

“C’mon Stevie. What can I do f’ya?” Bucky asks, and he does in a way that is so gentle and not condescending, Steve cannot ignore him for more than a few seconds. 

 

Steve glares at Bucky when he answers, “Water would be nice.”, but they both know the glare means nothing. Steve watches Bucky walk to the excuse of a kitchen they have, and he smiles to himself. How did he get so lucky? Bucky is always there for him, even when Steve is acting like a child, and a perfect best friend and an even better boyfriend, and Steve gets to come home to him every day. 

 

“What’s got you in such a good mood? Half hour ago you were lying next to a trashcan.”  Bucky says, but he continues to smile at Steve so his words do not sound as harsh. Steve imagines his face looks similar to Bucky’s: taken over with a dopey smile and a faint blush. 

 

“Nothin’. Just happy I got you, is all.” 

 

Bucky lies down behind Steve on the couch and wraps his arms around Steve’s midriff, and pulls him back so he is closer to Bucky. He kisses the back of Steve’s neck and Steve can feel his smile against his skin. 

 

They lay in silence for a few minutes, and it is really nice. Just laying with Bucky, feeling his chest move as he breathes, playing with Bucky’s fingers that rest on his stomach, unconsciously timing his breathing so it matches Bucky’s. It feels so nice to be touched in a nonviolent way, Steve appreciates every second of it. 

 

“Why did you get into this fight, anyway?” Bucky whispers against Steve’s neck, and Steve tenses slightly. 

 

He knew the question was coming, he just did not expect it to come so soon. Bucky usually asks him later why he got into a fight, so he usually has time to perfect his answer. But now, he’s caught off guard and he does not know what to say. 

 

“It- they were- Bucky, it wasn’t-” Steve starts, but Bucky cuts him off. 

 

“Steve. Usually, you have pretty good reasons for getting into fights, so I doubt this time will be any different.” Bucky reassures him. “But that isn’t to say that I want you getting into any fights.”

 

Steve huffs at Bucky’s attempt to make Steve relax. Normally, Steve does not have any problem telling Bucky why he gets into fights. He usually does have a good reason to start fights, even if Bucky shakes his head at him every time, and this time was no different. It’s just, it is more personal this time. 

 

“I know Buck.” Steve murmurs, and he really does. He just cannot make himself say the reason right now. It’s still too fresh. He knows Bucky won’t judge him, but it is still hard to say these things sometimes. 

 

He takes Bucky’s hand, and slowly moves it under his shirt. He continues to slide Bucky’s hand up his midriff until Bucky tenses his hand and makes Steve stop. 

 

“Steve. I’m not-” 

 

“It’s not that. Just- trust me, please.” 

 

Steve can feel Bucky’s nod against the back of his head, and Steve knows that Bucky trusts him. Has told him so, too many times to count, so Steve keeps moving Bucky’s hand. 

 

Steve finally reaches the place he needs to to make his point, and Bucky’s breathing became uneven, so Steve knows he understands what Steve is trying to tell him. 

 

“Who was it? Steve, I’m so, so sorry. I can go and-” 

 

“No, I want you to stay here, with me. Please.” Steve says, and pushes Bucky’s hand away from his chest. More specifically, the white bandages wrapped around his chest. 

 

Bucky turns Steve around so they are both facing each other, and he nods. “I will beat them up and make sure they never come near here again, though.” Bucky says through what could be considered a smile in an alternate life. 

 

“I know you would. Thank you.” Steve pats Bucky’s cheek before he tucks his face into the space between Bucky’s shoulder and neck, and explains again, but this time with words. 

 

“I was walking out of the store, you know, the one on the corner. You know how I like to look at the men’s clothes and imagine what it would be like to actually fit in them.” Bucky hums to let Steve know he was listening, but Steve would know he was listening even if he didn’t make any noise. “I guess those guys saw me in there and know who I am, or somehow figured out that I was trans, and they followed me out. Then they pulled me into the alley, and um, started to call me names and push me around. You know how it ended.” 

 

“Steve. I’m so sorry, whatever those assholes said to you was all wrong, I’m sure of it.” Bucky reassures him, and Steve knows it should help, but it does not have much of an effect at the moment. 

 

“Yeah. I guess.” Steve mumbles into the crook of Bucky’s neck, and he feels Bucky tighten his arms around Steve. 

 

“You’re the best guy I could ever ask for Stevie. The only guy I’d ever ask for, actually. Try not to think about what those jerks said, their words don’t deserve to be bouncing around in that beautiful head of yours.” Bucky kisses his temple and rubs his thumb along the top of Steve’s spine, and Steve is grateful enough to cry. 

 

How did he get so lucky? 

 

“You shouldn’t wear those bandages though, at least not so tight. Your asthma is already bad enough.” Bucky says, but he moves his hand to the front of Steve’s chest to rub out the tension created by the bandages. 

  
  


*** 

 

Steve wonders, not for the first time, how he got so lucky. How he was lucky enough to spend not one, but two lifetimes with Bucky. 

 

How he is now able to help Bucky in this lifetime, and be able to pay back the enormous debt he owes to Bucky for all that they did for him in the thirties and forties. 

 

Currently, Steve is dropping Bucky off at the VA for their group therapy session, and Steve could not be more proud of them. Bucky was getting out of the apartment more, they were meeting a friend from their group therapy session at least once a month somewhere in the National Mall, and they were being more open about their past with Steve. 

 

Bucky jumps off Steve’s motorcycle and takes off their helmet, and then holds out their hand for the small hair brush Steve keeps in the seat of the bike for this specific purpose. Bucky likes to have their hair look perfect, especially for group therapy. 

 

Steve smiles at them as they hands over the brush, and then tells Bucky what his plans are for the afternoon. Bucky is always allowed to join Steve on his afternoon plans, but usually they like to stay in and read whatever book they picked up this week. Steve still likes to tell Bucky, and Steve suspects Bucky likes it as well. 

 

“Okay Bucky. I’m going to go to the grocery store while you’re in group, and then I’m coming to pick you up. Sam wants to meet for a late lunch later, but that’s all I’ve got going on today.” 

 

Bucky usually says what they are thinking pretty quickly now, so it surprises Steve when Bucky takes a beat to answer. Steve does not dare say anything, just waits out the silence. Bucky looks contemplative, their eyebrows are drawn in and they are looking at their boots. 

 

“Could I. Would it be okay if I went to the grocery store with you today?” Bucky asks, and it looks like they make themself look up from their shoes. They are not disappointed when they meet Steve’s eye, because he is all smiles and proud eyes. 

 

“Buck! Of course you can come.” Steve reaches for Bucky’s hand and Bucky meets him in the middle. Steve makes sure to rub his thumb across Bucky’s knuckles and continue to smile at them. “I’m really proud of you, you know.” Steve whispers, and it would have been lost in the sirens and voices of the city, but Bucky has great hearing. (Or maybe it is because Bucky will always be able to hear Steve and pick out his voice, but that is not important right now.)

 

“I love you, Stevie.” Bucky says as they kiss Steve’s knuckles. As they walk away, they turn around to quickly wink at Steve. They know how much is makes Steve blush, so they do it as often as they can. 

 

“Love you too! I’ll see you after group.” Steve, feeling confident, blows Bucky a kiss as he walks away. The stare he received from the person walking by is well worth it for the way Bucky smiles at him. He’s the luckiest guy alive. 

 

*** 

 

Bucky was quiet, which was not totally uncommon, but it was a noticeable shift from how they were acting this morning. Steve tries to not think about it too much, he knows how quickly their mood can change, so he continues shopping and involves Bucky in the process. 

 

“Bucky, do you want-” 

 

“Did we do this before? Like, before, you know.” Bucky asks, but unlike this morning, they are meeting Steve’s eye as they ask the question. 

 

Steve is taken aback at first, he did not expect that to be what was keeping Bucky so quiet. “Uh, yeah we did. We didn’t do it often, but we shopped together a few times. Do you remember a specific time?” Steve is not upset if Bucky can recall something that happened in their past, but cannot  _ quite _ reach the memory to describe it, but that does not mean he is not hopeful every time Bucky asks about the past. 

 

“Kind of. You were sick that week, or maybe it was the earlier week, I don’t know. But, anyways, you were feeling better and then we went to the store to pick up makeup. I feel like you said it was for your mom, but I also feel like it was for someone else.” Bucky says, and it’s one of their most descriptive memories, so Steve makes sure to let Bucky know how proud of them he is. 

 

After Bucky jokingly shoves Steve away for “being too gross in public”, Steve explains the memory completely. “You got most of it right. I was feeling better and I wouldn’t take no for an answer, so you let me come with you to the store. We did buy makeup, and I said it was for my mom, but it was for-” 

 

When Steve stops talking, Bucky stops walking, which makes Steve stop walking too. Bucky looks really upset, (but only for half a second, and if Steve didn’t know them so well, he wouldn’t have noticed it. Being trained as an assassin for fifty years will do that to a person), and Steve wants to tell them what happened, he  _ really _ does, he just does not know if Bucky has rediscovered that part of themself yet. Steve does not want to push things too far, he wants Bucky to go at their own pace. 

 

Bucky continues to wear that blank expression on their face, and they put some distance between Steve and themself. They stare at Steve, and they have a significant line forming in their forehead. Steve doesn't like that look at all, and he wants to fix it as soon as he can. Before he can do anything, they take a deep breath and ask, “Did you buy it for a dame, Steve?” 

 

“W-what? Bucky, no of course not! It was f- God, it was for you.” Steve manages to string together a semi coherent sentence, and hopes that Bucky believes him. “I promise, I’d never do that to you, not now or in the forties. You gotta believe me, Buck.” 

 

Steve has been told he has a very expressive face, Natasha likes to point that out to him when they play cards, and for the first time in his life, Steve hopes everyone is right. 

 

Bucky still has not changed their facial expression, which is currently the thousand yard stare. Steve does not know if Bucky remembers, or will ever remember, but they at least have to know that Steve would never cheat on them. 

 

“Makeup. You’re telling me I used to wear makeup.” Bucky says, while looking towards the end of the aisle. 

 

“Yes. When we could afford it, or when you felt like it. You didn’t always want to wear it, and I didn’t question it, because it’s you and whatever you-” 

 

“Stevie, you’re rambling.” Bucky takes his hand back and pulls him out of the aisle. “I believe you, and I’m sorry I doubted you. I just get, I don’t know, worried. A lot of the time. So, I’m sorry and I believe you.”   
  


Steve finally relaxes, “I didn’t know if I should tell you or not because I didn’t want to rush your process or anything. I’m sorry I worried you.” 

 

Bucky looks back at Steve and gives him a small smile. “I forgive you, but next time, just tell me. I like when you tell me things about our past, it doesn’t ‘rush my process’.” Bucky puts the last part in air quotes, one of their favorite ways to mock Steve. “It might even help my process, so if we’re ever in this type of situation again, just tell me.” 

 

Steve nods and finally looks around. Bucky had taken them to the opposite end of the store, and Steve had no idea what their intention was. “Bucky, why are we in this part of the store?” 

 

“It’s where the makeup is.” Bucky says, and they say it like Steve should just  _ know _ where the makeup is in their local grocery store. 

 

“Oh. Okay, where do you want to start?” Steve looks around the aisle, and he takes in all the different products and colors. 

 

“I don’t remember. What did I use before?” Bucky looks down the aisle too, and their eyes linger on the nail polish. Steve smiles, they remember something, even if it never turns out to be a full memory. 

 

“Well, you used to paint your toenails with the polish in the winter, and sometimes you would wear eyeshadow. You liked the more subtle colors, though.” 

 

“That feels right. I think I just want to try nail polish for now, though.” Bucky states, and they go to the blue shades of polish first. 

 

“I like this one, Stevie.” They hand a dark blue bottle to Steve, and Steve takes it without objection. 

 

“It’s a nice color. You can get as many as you want, you know that right?” Steve makes sure that Bucky knows that, he does not want them to have any reservations about this. 

 

“I know. I just want that one for now, thank you though.” Bucky kisses Steve’s cheek as he walks to the checkout aisle, and Steve is a few seconds behind him as he mentally recovers from the kiss. 

 

*** 

 

It is a quiet afternoon, maybe a week after Bucky originally picked out the nail polish. They did not want to use it right away, but today Bucky had woken Steve up by smearing the polish on Steve’s nails and on the skin around his nails. Steve left it on his nails (and skin), even though he complained about it a little. Bucky looks very smug about it. 

 

“My mom helped you with your makeup one time. She caught us with an old tube of red lipstick, and she started to shake her head. We were both scared shitless, but the only thing she said was that your technique was wrong.” Steve shakes his head at the memory, and tries not to think too much about how he misses his mom. “When she left the room you and I were both shocked, but then she came back into the room with her eyeshadow. That’s when you started to laugh, but I think she knew it was a good laugh.” 

 

Bucky shakes their head too, in a fond way. “She was a good woman, Stevie. We were lucky to have her.” 

 

Steve nods, he has always thought the same thing, and focuses on painting Bucky’s finger nails. He only wanted the blue on his nails, not any designs that Steve could have done with his smaller brushes. 

 

“It feels cold.” Bucky says, and Steve looks up to see a smile on Bucky’s face, the closed mouth kind that makes your eyes crinkle and your cheeks pink. Steve is so in love it’s ridiculous. 

 

“I love you, Buck.” Steve blurts out, and he is not totally sure if he meant to do that or not. He does not mean it any less, though. 

 

“I love you too.” Bucky somehow manages to lean in close to Steve without moving his hand an inch, and kisses Steve. When they pull back, Steve thinks they will say something sweet, but what they say is, “But if you get the nail polish on the carpet one more time, I will never forgive you. I love this carpet more than I love you.” 

 

Steve laughs in their face, and Bucky takes offense and pushes Steve over. One of them knocks the bottle of nail polish on the carpet during their eventual wrestling match, and Bucky blames Steve. Steve blames Bucky, because they started it all, but Bucky does not accept that. (Steve makes an appointment with the cleaners that night, and he asks for a rush service if possible.)

 

***

 

Steve just finishes writing the note when Bucky walks out of their bedroom. They look so soft and sleepy that Steve considers blowing off the mission entirely and getting back into bed with Bucky. 

 

“What are you doing? Why are you wearing the suit?” Bucky asks, and they immediately goes for the coffee pot. They apparently do not realize that it’s empty until they try and pour coffee into their cup, and then they get out the coffee grounds. Apparently, it’s still too early for full cognitive function for Bucky. 

 

“I, uh, was called on a mission. There’s, like, some robot thing downtown. Everyone else is already there, so I was just going to meet them there. I wrote you a note, but I guess you don’t need it anymore.” 

 

Bucky picks up the note, and reads it outloud. “‘ _ Bucky, I was called on a mission. There is a problem downtown. I promise to be back home as soon as I can be, and please don’t watch the news coverage. It only makes you anxious, and you and I both know that I would never do anything unnecessarily risky in a fight.’”  _ Bucky gives Steve a look as they read that part, and Steve holds up his hands in defense. “‘ _ I love you, make sure you eat something for breakfast.’  _ And you drew me a heart, how adorable.” 

 

Steve cannot tell if Bucky is being sarcastic or not, so he let’s it go. “Okay, I’ll see you after. Love you.” Steve is halfway down the hallway when Bucky stops him. By jumping in front of him, and only God knows how they managed to do that. 

 

“Jesus Christ, Bucky. Warn a guy next time.” Steve puts his hand over his chest and takes a deep breath, but apparently Bucky thinks it is funny. 

 

They roll their eyes at Steve, “C’mon. You were always easy to startle, even before the serum. It’s too easy for me.” 

 

“Why did you stop me? I gotta go help everyone out, Bucky.” Steve notices Bucky is blocking his most direct path to the door, and he knows that it isn’t an accident. 

 

“I want to help you today. Fight the robot, that is.” Bucky says, and they say it with such conviction that Steve almost agrees immediately without talking this through. (Steve also has a hard time denying Bucky of anything he asks for now. He’s always so  _ proud _ of them when they ask for anything, Steve does not want to say no to that.) 

 

“Are you sure? You know no one expects you to go back into the fight after-” 

 

“I know. I just want to help, is all. Nat and I have been practice fighting for a while now, and I think I’m ready.” Bucky does not meet Steve’s eye as they say the next part, “And I haven’t had an episode in a couple of months, so I think it’s time I go back out.” 

 

Steve taps Bucky on the nose to get them to look Steve in the eye, and he makes sure his face is completely calm when he speaks. “I know, and I’m really proud of you for that, and for everything else you’ve done. If you think you’re ready, of course you can come.” 

 

Bucky’s entire face lights up, and they start to scramble around the apartment to get their suit on. 

 

“But you have to promise me that if you start to feel  _ anything _ bad you’ll walk away from the fight!” Steve shouts to Bucky, who is in their bedroom putting on their vest by the sound of it. The buttons on the vest have a very distinctive sound, and then there are the straps on the back of it. It’s all very complicated, Steve doesn’t know how Bucky does it all in less than a minute. 

 

Bucky laughs in response to Steve’s request. “Right, Stevie, like I haven’t said that to you hundreds of  times. And those hundreds of times do not include before the war, I’ll have you know. I’ve been keeping count, and it’s now up to-”    
  
“Okay, okay, I get it. Let’s go before they win the fight without us.” 

 

They are all extremely lucky to have Bucky there on that mission, without them who knows how the mission would have turned out. Bucky asks to be invited to all future local fights, and everyone agrees immediately. Steve can tell that Bucky is very happy with themself, as they should be, but they are trying to hide it to keep up the impression they have gotten amongst the team. Steve gives Bucky a discreet thumbs up on the ride home, and Bucky holds up a different finger at Steve, not so discreetly. But they are smiling the entire time, so it does not have the full effect. 

 

*** 

 

Steve is painting when he first hears it. 

 

He is working on a landscape that he and Bucky had seen last week on a ride out of town, and Bucky could not stop talking about how beautiful it was. They especially liked how the sunset reflected off the water. Steve took about thirty pictures of the pond and the sunrise alone so he would get that part of the painting right. 

 

Steve hears it in the middle of painting a bright orange stroke of the sunset. He is humming along to the Hozier song that is playing, and he drops his brush and nearly falls off his stool trying to stand up in response to it. 

 

“ _ Doklad missii, soldat.”  _

 

_ Mission report, soldier.  _

 

Steve stares Bucky- the Winter Soldier, whoever is in there right now-, in the eye and feels around for his phone. It isn’t in his pocket, and he does not want to turn his back on Bucky right now, because that is not  _ actually _ Bucky standing three feet from him. Bucky was right when they said that they had not had an episode in months, so Steve is hoping that it won’t be too hard to get Bucky out of this one. 

 

“Bucky. Hi, Bucky. You’re in DC, remember? You aren’t the Winter Soldier anymore- you don’t have missions and you don’t have a report to give.” Steve dares to move closer, takes one small step forward, and Bucky has no reaction so Steve takes that as a good sign. Their face is still blank, but at least they aren’t speaking Russian at the moment. 

 

Steve figures that he has to find some way to ground Bucky, and he figures talking is the best way to do that. 

 

“Um, do you remember when you told me you were nonbinary? We were in the alley next to our old apartment building, and you were pulling me out of a fight. I didn’t like that, so I was yelling and throwing a fit as we walked up the stairs. All the yelling and my asthma were not a good combination, so we had to sit down on a random floor as I caught my breath. I guess you could tell that I was really embarrassed, but I’d never say anything, and you just told me you were nonbinary. You looked at me, didn’t give any preamble, and said, ‘I ain’t a fella, Stevie. Don’t really feel like one, but I don’t feel like a dame either. Something like the opposite of those two.’” Steve hopes to a God he doesn’t believe in anymore that this is getting through to Bucky, that this story is having something of a positive effect. 

 

“I was still out of breath, so I just took your hand and squeezed it real hard. I looked over at you, and you looked so relaxed. We were sitting in a dirty, gross apartment hallway, you had just told me something that could get us in some serious trouble, and you looked relaxed. I guess I was taking too long for you, so you picked me up and carried me to our apartment. By then I had caught my breath, so I told you how much I loved you and how proud of you I was.” Steve feels himself getting teary eyed, and like there is something lodged in his throat, but he makes himself tell the rest of the story. 

 

“You cried a little, just two tears fell down your cheeks, and I wiped them away. I told you, ‘I ain’t never gonna be more proud of you than I am right now’, but I lied. Every day that you are here with me, making coffee, taking all the blankets in the middle of the night, arguing with Sam about which documentary is better, making choices for yourself, and just being  _ happy _ . Everyday, I tell myself, ‘This is it, this is the maximum capacity of how proud I can be’, but it isn’t. Because everyday you wake up and you  _ live _ , and I- God, Bucky, I’m just so proud of you.” 

 

Steve takes a deep breath, and wipes away his own tears. He finally lost control of his emotions towards the end, and he is openly crying now. Bucky is staring at him, but it isn’t the Winter Soldier stare. It’s  _ Bucky _ , the Bucky Steve grew up with, the Bucky Steve loves with his entire being. 

 

“Steve, I. What happened?” Bucky looks too confused and lost for Steve’s liking, but he doesn’t know how Bucky is feeling or how close he wants Steve to be. 

 

“You, uh, came in here and said something in Russian. I told you a story to help you, and uh, I guess it worked.” Steve doesn’t know if Bucky heard the everything he said, but now that he can reflect on what he said, he is very embarrassed. 

 

“I heard it, even if I wasn’t, like,  _ me _ .” Bucky takes a deep breath and practically jumps on Steve, and Steve wraps his arms around them. “I heard you.” Bucky mumbles into his shoulder, and Steve understands. 

 

He tightens his arms around Bucky, and kisses the side of their head. Steve is an adult, he can communicate with his partner even if he is embarrassed. “I meant everything I said, just now.” 

 

“I know you do. I’m really proud of you too, I don’t know if I tell you enough. You’re an incredible boyfriend, and you are there for me and the rest of the team even when it isn’t the best time for you. And you got yourself to this point too, even when it was really hard, don’t you forget that.” 

 

Steve is crying into Bucky’s shoulder, and Steve thinks Bucky is crying too. He doesn’t mention it. 

 

“I’m so lucky to have you. Thank you.” 

 

*** 

 

Bucky and Steve had officially made their official coming out post. It was very simple, and very sweet in Steve’s opinion. Bucky thought it could have been better. They are both enormously happy now that the information is out there. 

 

Bucky posted a picture of the two of them making cupcakes on Instagram, and they both had batter all over the lower half of their faces. They captioned it “ _ my bf is better than yours…” _ . Bucky keeps smiling at the picture every time they look at it, and Steve can’t even judge them for it because he is doing the same thing. 

 

The picture soon becomes the most liked Instagram picture, and Bucky frames the article confirming it. They put it next to the coffee pot, because they claim “you need at least two things to start the morning off right.”, and Steve didn’t argue with them. 

 

***

 

It’s not as if Bucky doesn’t have their bad days, but the bad days are getting farther and farther apart. It’s not as if they never wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, but when they do it is easier for them to calm down. It’s not as if Bucky has trouble focusing some days, but the grounding techniques they learn in group are working more often. Some days Bucky doesn’t even want to be in the same room as Steve, so Steve will hang out at Sam’s place until Bucky is ready for him to come back home. 

 

Bucky isn’t done with their healing process, far from it, but everyday is a day forward. Bucky likes to remember something Sarah told Steve ages ago,  _ ‘Because, and you listen close, Steven. You always stand up.’ _ . It is a nice thing to remember, even if it wasn’t meant for them originally, even if it does not fully apply to their situation. They just have to keep standing up, and one day it won’t feel like such a hard thing to do. 


End file.
